There’s a Hole In my Sidewalk

Chapter I

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost … I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter II

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter III

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit … but,
my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter IV

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter V

I walk down another street.

 

By Portia Nelson

“I’m Fine! Why Don’t You Lay Off Me?”

Sintervention20pixhe has told him frequently the drinking is getting worse. He repeatedly responds, “I’m fine! Why don’t you lay off me? If you wouldn’t nag so much I wouldn’t need to drink.”  The substance abuse has gone on too long. She can’t bear it one more day. It’s time. Time for an intervention. But, how? Can she pull this off? Does he really need an intervention or is she exaggerating? Who will take the kids while she confronts him? Will he get so angry she puts herself in danger? Will someone else help her confront him? Should that “someone” be a friend or a professional?

There are so many things to think about when planning an intervention. And on top of all that, you’ve read different opinions from the experts and you have a family member telling you you are overreacting. Who’s right? Are you overreacting? Once you decide an intervention is needed, now you must muddle through the variety of opinions on how it’s done.

An intervention can be done by family or friends with or without the help of a professional interventionist.

If at all possible, the intervention should be staged when the addict is sober (not under the influence). If they aren’t under the influence when confronted they are likely to be less volatile and more able to process what you are saying. Certainly, it is safer to have two or more people confront the addict. Some loved ones fear an intervention will sever ties between them and the addict; however, most addicts realize their loved ones do love them and were only trying to help.

Some say waiting until an addict hits “rock bottom” is the only(or best) time to intervene. The challenge is we really don’t know what “rock bottom” looks like. It’s different for everyone. If you feel a loved one is abusing substances, you are probably right and probably not the only one around him that thinks this is true. 640_intervention_110121_aande_GRBProductionTherefore, this is the time for an intervention. Seek moral and spiritual support as you prepare to stage for the intervention; it is a daunting and emotionally draining task. (More on spiritual support later) It’s a tough decision and can be a difficult process on the family.
There are resources available to help you through the process of the intervention and recovery. Some statistics say 90% of calls for intervention are placed by women; but, only 10% of those who call actually go through with it. Love is the strongest motivator of all, both to make the call, and to cancel the call. It’s not an easy decision. But, it may just be the right decision and save a life.

Brend Burchard says…

There will be a time when

the world needs you to be

courageous, when your friends

and family count on

you, when your dreams are

on the line, when giving

up won’t make sense anymore,

when the power of

love begs to break through.

That time is now.

         –Brendon Burchard

What’s Your Name?

We usually go by one name. God has 17 names in Hebrew. Whether you are familiar with them or not, chances are, during your life with an addict (or as an addict in recovery) you will experience God in each of these roles. Your faith as you take this journey toward healing and recovery is so important. It’s a rough journey. You will need God’s strength. Sometimes just to get through the week, other times to get through the next hour. We’ve all gone through it. God has been our provider, is our healer, and will be our victor giving us victory at the end of the fight. He gives us peace as our shepherd as He guides us day by day. He is present. You just need to call on Him.

 

One woman was about to celebrate her tenth anniversary to her husband, an addict. But, as she thought of their future together and the next ten years, she couldn’t go on. She asked a friend to come and pray with her every week. They began reading the Bible and praying together. Hosea 2: 6-8 stood out. She and her friend prayed this fervently every week. After three weeks, God heard the prayer of these ladies and a late-night intervention took place. It wasn’t one done “by the books”; but, it was an intervention nonetheless. The wife woke the husband up who had passed out a couple of hours earlier and gave him an ultimatum. Either he gets help or she leaves with the kids. The addict agreed to get help.
Even though the addict consented to a rehab program, the battle wasn’t over yet. The wife still cried out to the Lord, asked friends to pray for her and with her, and spent time in prayer. Some days she struggled so much all she could do is cry, “Lord, help me!”. Jehovah-Nissi: My Victory Exodus 17:15. May God give you and your family victory as you go through this journey of addiction to recovery.

Just. One. More. Step.

When you climb Mount Everest, they say you burn 10,000 calories a day until you reach the summit; at the summit you will burn 20,000 calories a day. It typically takes two months to climb the mountain; however, the last mile will typically take around 12 hours. An entire day of climbing! It is a tough journey, one that needs a team to support you. You also need to pack correctly, carefully researching the supplies you need to bring. What does this have to do with addiction?

Climbing Mount Everest seems like an insurmountable task. Some days staying sober may seem 459420d1308838388-mountain-climbing-casio-pag-240-timex-ws-4-dscn0432impossible, too. But, amputees and a blind person have succeeded in climbing Mount Everest. You can succeed in recovery. Like the climbers, you will need a team and the right tools to support you in your journey. It will be a long and sometimes difficult journey.

 

An adult child of an addict, who also struggles with addiction, shared “When you have problems you go deeper into the addiction to escape the problems. The addiction increases those problems that the addiction causes that you are trying to escape. The problems become worse so you go deeper into the addiction to escape the problem. It’s a downward spiral. A hard battle.” So how do you motivate yourself to keep going on the road to recovery?

 

The problems and challenges of life don’t leave. We have to learn to cope with them in different ways. Staying in recovery will allow you to see your problems with a new perspective and be able to manage them.

Boredom, Stress, Disappointment… How Can I Cope?

You’ve heard the phrase “It’s easier said than done.”, right?

Well, the simple answer is: find a purpose in life which will bring you joy and count your blessings every day.

Sounds simple, right? But, that’s so much easier said than done.

How do you find your purpose when you’ve been lost in the daily purpose of finding your next fix? If it’s been so long since you’ve had hobbies, try new things, go new places. There will be certain things you find that you enjoy. Maybe try a one-day volunteer project. This will allow you to meet new people and give back.

This will also help with the suggestion of counting your blessings because you can always hear a story of someone who’s had a tougher road than you.

You know, some days are hard; some days all you may be able to list are things like: I’m thankful I can see, hear, etc; I’m thankful I can walk; I’m thankful I have a place to live.

Whatever it is, be thankful.

Counting your blessings will get easier, and you’ll find the more you count them, the more you find. When a disappointment or setback strikes, you may fall back and find it more difficult. But, you will find strength if you forge ahead and keep trying.

Addicts tend to do is fall back into old habits when the going gets rough; don’t!

Stick with it.

Get support.

Hopefully, this includes professional support such as counseling or a 12-step program. Life happens; it happens to all of us. But, there are some basics we all lean on to cope. These are some of what we shared here.  All of us experience pain, disappointment, boredom, and stress. Life is fair and distributes that to all of us. We have a choice in how we handle the cards life has dealt us.

 

 

He Said… She Said

You’ve heard it said that there are at least two versions of every story? Well, in an addict’s family, there may be more. But, there are at least two: his and his spouse.

He says his drinking doesn’t really affect anyone. After all, he goes out with the guys and has a few then comes home. He works hard every day. He deserves a break. The kids have food and clothes that he provides for them. And the one ballgame he missed wasn’t a playoff game; it’s T-ball after all. He’s a good man, providing a paycheck, playing catch with the kids. He even keeps the lawn mowed better than his neighbors! He takes the wife out to the movies every once a while. What more could she want?

She says the drinking affects the entire family. Sure, going out with the guys and having a drink is fine. He does work hard. But, why does he have to come home in a bad mood and yell at everyone? He yells at her because “the dinner’s cold” (and wasn’t what he wanted). They’ve had some form of hamburger 3 times this week. Why? Because he withdrew money to go to the bar and hamburger was on sale; it’s what she could afford. He yells at the kids to “pick up their toys and keep the noise down”. They scurry off to their rooms to play “out of the way”. They don’t even show their dad the picture they drew at school because he’ll ask why they didn’t color in the lines.

The kids become teenagers. They stay in their rooms texting friends. The wife stays in the kitchen cleaning. He sits on the couch watching TV. No one comes over to visit. After years of staying out of dad’s way there isn’t a deep bond. There is pain. The kids can’t wait to “grow up and move out” because they can’t stand their house.

Unfortunately, this scenario plays out in homes all across the country. The long-lasting effects are there. The pain, the hurt, the distance. Sometimes even a full house can feel lonely. And, it doesn’t usually stop there. Many times the effects carry on to the next generation.

Work: It Does a Body Good

They say “milk: it does a body good”; but, to an addict in recovery, work does a body good. Why? There are many reasons. Probably one of the most important ones is the daily sense of accomplishment. The addict feels like he is making progress.

Because addiction affects the family emotionally, socially, psychologically, physically, and financially there are many benefits to working while in recovery. Let’s discover some:

The addict affects those around him emotionally because of his tendency to bounce from anger to a melancholy isolation. This creates an emotional roller coaster for those around him. At work he is expected to communicate in a healthier way; therefore, he is practicing healthier communication patterns that creates less emotional fluctuation for him and those around him.

An addict tends to isolate himself socially, only choosing to be around those like him. Work allows the addict to interact with others outside of his normal circle. Interacting with others helps him feel less isolated, can help him feel more “normal”, provide the opportunity for a mentor and encouragement, and allow him to practice accepted social behaviors.

In recovery there can be a tendency to blame yourself more as you recognize the hurt you’ve created for others. Being active socially allows you a “normal” daily routine to take your mind off of blaming yourself and taking daily steps to reentering society, making progress, and holding yourself accountable for providing for your family to the best of your ability. These feelings are beneficial to your psychological health. Just a reason to get up in the morning can provide enough encouragement and motivation to allow for healing.

How can work help you physically unless you are a construction worker or perform other types of labor-intensive work? Before you even arrive at work, you are probably taking better care of yourself physically. You have brushed your hair and your teeth, you have showered, and you may have eaten breakfast. Before you were only thinking about that first drink (maybe after that first cup of coffee). These small steps are giant steps toward becoming physically healthy.

And last, but not least, you are becoming financially healthier in recovery. Do you remember when you first started smoking (insert your addiction here)? That one pack of cigarettes cost you $5 a day. Now you are smoking 3 packs a day ($15. I know, you are thinking that’s no big deal)! Over the course of a year you are spending a whopping $5475! The last time your wife mentioned taking the kids to (that favorite vacation spot, perhaps Disney) you replied that we don’t have the money. In addition, your health insurance went up…..again, you are taking more medication, your life insurance went up, and remember the last time you called into work sick? You took an unpaid absence because all your sick leave was used up. Having a job allows you to feel like you are contributing to the healing process for some of the financial stress your family has been under due to your addiction.
Work…it definitely does the recovering addict good! Take a small step forward today.

A World of Second Chances

a_god_of_second_chances_mediumSecond chances in life are tough to come by. We all have one life to live, and while it is ours to do what we desire, we sometimes make mistakes or go down a path that can be destructive to ourselves and to the people we love. It can happen to anyone. For some, hitting rock bottom is precisely what a person needs to begin searching for that second start. Thankfully, there are institutions that have been built to provide just that: a supportive shelter for those who seek a new life.

Our year-long 12-step program provides housing for men who have taken the admirable step towards bettering themselves. Throughout the process, participants are required to find and maintain a full-time job. Fresh Start champions the process of “regeneration,” and their staff is committed to helping these men restart their lives from the inside out. In doing so, they aid in fixing the men’s health, financial woes, and personal relationships that might have suffered. Men are required to live on the premises for the full year, and if at any point they relapse, they are asked to leave. At Fresh Start Ministries, a commitment to the process is of the utmost importance.

The program is divided up into four phases. Phase 1 is all about drug and alcohol abuse, so clients are informed of the risks involved. Phase 2 is tailored to the client, and involve the construction of a recovery plan. Phase 3 advocates the use of religion to improve self and relations, and Phase 4 focuses on what happens after the client leaves, such as the steps they’ll need to take to maintain their new-found health.

The three major stages toward recovery that Fresh Start advocates are detoxification, rehabilitation, and confrontation. In detoxification, the body is cleansed of chemical substances. Then, in rehabilitation, the newly-clean body is maintained with good health habits, such as dietary changes and fitness. Finally, in the confrontation process, counselors at Fresh Start come face to face with clients and encourage them to see the toll their former life took on everything around them. Clients are forced to confront the people they hurt, and ask themselves what drove them to their addictions in the first place.

For men in need of a new beginning, of that second chance, we offer an excellent refuge. Our center provides a supportive and positive environment and grants these men an opportunity of a lifetime. In just one year’s time, clients can find a life more extraordinary, a chance no one should ever be denied.

9 Essential Reasons to Work a Job During Recovery

During the process of recovery from addiction, many rehab facilities require their participants to engage in and maintain a job during their stay. Doing so has a number of benefits that will ultimately improve patients’ lives once they leave the program. Here are nine reasons to work during recovery.

Sense of Stability
Having a job provides a secure lifestyle. During a patient’s initial addiction, it is possible that he or she lost control of their life—socially, financially, etc. A job gives them the opportunity to regain that lost security. This allows them to familiarize themselves with a sense of stability for their future endeavors and regain what was once lost.

New Routine
Freshness is key. Living in a rehab facility might become tedious for some; many facilities require patients to stay on the premises unless otherwise designated. A job can help keep things new and exciting.

men-at-work-englishPurpose in Life
Having a job gives patients a newfound purpose in life. Addiction can dramatically impact a person’s motivations and drive. These jobs will instill a sense of cause and let the patient know that despite what he or she might believe, they are needed somewhere.

Productivity
Working gives a person the feeling that they are being productive, that they are doing something worthwhile with their time. Patients can thus put their free time to good use by maintaining a job.

Being Social
Jobs are a doorway to a healthy social life. Many jobs require interaction with others. This gives patients the opportunity to interact with people from beyond the rehab facility.

A Distraction
Jobs can provide a much-needed distraction from the pressures and stresses of rehab. The process of rehabilitation is not an easy one and can be taxing on the mind and body. Working gives patients the opportunity a chance to mentally and physically escape from it, but in a positive and productive environment.

Men_at_workMoney in Your Pocket
At its core, working is a means of making money. This is no different for those who work during rehab. In fact, doing so allows them to acquire money for their life once they exit the program. This way, they do not leave empty-handed.

Meet New People
In addition to meeting customers, jobs grant the opportunity to meet new people and make friends in fellow co-workers. This allows patients to befriend people outside their rehab program, friendships that can perhaps last beyond the end of their stay.

Learn New Skills
A job can teach you new abilities that you never even knew you had. Working will give patients the chance to learn something new, which can then be applied once they leave the program.